You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
