I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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