If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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