He had one of those small greek statue penises
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
