I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize