These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
