Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
