Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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