I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
