We're facebook friends in real life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
