tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
