I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
