I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
