So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
