About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
