he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
