The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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