You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
