wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
