we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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