My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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