why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
