already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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