If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
