I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
