I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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