I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
