well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
