Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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