so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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