i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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