Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
