On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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