you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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