So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
