Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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