the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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