WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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