Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
