Will you blow on my dice?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
