I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
