god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
