I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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