omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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