I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
