I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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