you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
