She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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