john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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