This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
