we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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