Cold hands, warm shart.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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