I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
