Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
