We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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