I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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