I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We need to get me chipped asap
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
