I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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