tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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