Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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