just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
