We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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