spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize