this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
