'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
