just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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