C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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