im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
